I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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