Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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