You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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