Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
