The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
