Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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