You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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