Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
