Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
