i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
