I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
