It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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