Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
