i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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