The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
