New invention idea: vibrating tampons
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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