why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
