Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
