My balls are so social today.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
