Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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