Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize