that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
