Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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