I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
