Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I touched a dick in church today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
