Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
