Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
