We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
