Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
