So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
