im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
