i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
