I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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