can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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