my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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