i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got inside last night via doggy door
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
