I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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