My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize