Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
