i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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