Well apparently he's into motor boating.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
