I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
