whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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