bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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