Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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