I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
