omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
