saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
