I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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