Tell her she can't have a vagina
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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