Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
