the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
