He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
