At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize