I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
