that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
