she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize