I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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