Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize