Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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