Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
