Your face is a jimmy john
Jerry, you need to find god
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
