Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
