I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
