I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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