i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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