erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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