It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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