Umm I'm too high to move.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
