Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
