Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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