I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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