Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
