I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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